I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
