Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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