Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
