Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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