i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
