I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
