dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
