About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
