Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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