id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
