I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
