I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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