I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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