Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
