Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
