I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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