She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
