WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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