he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
