I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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