i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
