Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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