when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize