Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there was a trapeze. enough said
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
