We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
