i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
