I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
