Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She needs sedatives and a leash
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
