I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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