Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
