she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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