I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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