wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His hands were made for my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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