the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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