Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
