I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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