Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
