my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
