If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
