Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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