I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
