we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
