forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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