cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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