I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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