She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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