Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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