the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
