Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's the barista slut.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
