Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
