...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
