I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My dick has a subreddit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
