Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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