Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
